Jawbones and measuring cups

So we finally bought a scale. It's a moment I have been dreading for a long time. I know I'm overweight. I know I need to work out, eat better, move more.  When I got on the scale, it was as bad as I imagined. I weighed almost 300lbs. I did not want to hit that mark, nor do I ever plan on it.

I started wearing the Jawbone my mother gave me a while back again, I am taking accountability for all that I eat, exercising more, trying to walk more. Since February 8th, I am down almost ten pounds. I feel better.

When we went to South Bend for my son's hockey tournament, I packed the car, and became winded easily. Moving wasn't as easy. I thought I was going to die walking around the Notre Dame campus.  I was embarrassed.

Two weeks ago, after not even two weeks of accountability, I was able to pack the car without being winded, walk for hours on end without being tired. I'd like to think that even my attitude has gotten better.

When I bring home snacks, I measure them out, because believe it or not, a whole bag of Chex Mix, is more than one serving. Who would have guessed? I'm trying to make smarter decisions  when it comes to food, but it doesn't always happen. I still take accountability for it. I record it. If I don't want to record it I don't eat it. I know I'm the only one that knows, but I think that makes it more important.

I guess all that matters is that its working.

School Year

First quarter is over. FINALLY. the weeks have been long, and Ian is back at work, driving a truck again. The summer never really calmed down, Audrey had tennis camp at MSU, then fourth of July, all the while summer band and open nets for tennis.

Audrey started out playing first doubles, then after some injuries and removals, she moved to second singles. I made almost every match this season. I think I only missed two. Considering she has only played varsity doubles, I think she did well this year, holding her own against some of the toughest girls in the area, taking them almost point for point, playing for two hours at times.

Fridays have been football games, and weekends have been hockey.

Lucas had to make the first sports decision this fall. He had to choose football or hockey. I don't think it was much of a choice for him. I worry about him, he has no one at school to talk to about his sport. Sometimes I think he likes it that way, other times, I think it makes him lonely. He misses all the birthday parties, gives up sports with local friends. Maybe this is good, as right now he wants to be an NHL goalie. It may make the traveling and decisions easier later on.

It's been two months since I've posted. They have been two of the hardest months I can remember. Ian had a stroke, my grandmother passed, and I became the sole bread winner of our family.

Lucas called 911 when Ian went into a convulsion on the kitchen floor. Ian was taken to the hospital, and then taken to UTMC for observation for a week.  The day after he cam home, my grandmother passed away. The funeral was that Friday. Since then life has been about finding some sense of normalcy with Ian being home more, Audrey finishing up track and band, and Lucas with baseball. 

At work, I was covering for a nurse on maternity leave on top of my normal schedule. I have been working seven days a week since March, and then picked up anything I could when Ian came home to supplement our income. Things are starting to settle back to normal, and while my brain and body are happy to have more time to relax, my wallet has moth holes. 

Ian is doing better. He's had a headache since it all happened. Two days ago, he said he had no headache at all, and the double vision he's had is dissipating. He had a CT on Friday, and we're hoping for a good word to go back to work soon. 

Audrey was running track, she got varsity, band has finished and restarted, with my as BPO president. It took me a month just to sit down to do an agenda for my first meeting. I'm hoping to geta ll that going a bit smoother. 

Lucas, baseball has been going better than I had expected. Lucas has been the first batter in the lineup in every game he's played in. He plays catcher and a lot of outfield. He has a tendency to sit in the outfield as if the whole game is boring him. He plays, but you can tell now, his heart isn't really there. 

We've taken him to Toledo to go skating twice. I talked to the parents of a friend of his that told Lucas he had been skating for five years and convinced them to let us take him with us. The kid never admitted he couldn't skate until we got him on the ice. He now loves it. 

Today, Lucas started his first goalie camp. I was terrified. He is staying with my ex-father-in-law. He will be gone until Friday. I have never been away from my son for so long.  I know that if this is the path he really wants to take, and he continues on this path, this is only the beginning of him going away. 

I worried that his equipment wasn't enough, that he was fit enough, that the other kids wound make fun of him, that he would get hurt, everything that parents worry about their kids. I texted that I hoped he was having fun and got a "i am i won a championship and got a braclet i also am going to dryland training"

I have never been more proud of my child. Six months dressing as a goaltender, and he beats out all the kids in his age bracket(7-12), with little training with an actual coach. On day one. I'm hoping he comes away with a lot of new skills and knowledge. He's happy. He's away from me. I'm probably more of a mess than he is. I didn't realize how hard this would be.

Don't have to try

With almost fifty home health visits this week, a Band parent meeting, that starts early, parent teacher conferences, two baseball practices, and possibly two track meets this week, its not going to be hard to keep myself busy.
I've actually gotten 14 visits out of the way this week already.  Still have the rest of the day today, and five more days this week. I'm rarely taking a full day off right now. I want to get as much work as I can while we're in between hockey and tennis. I know I'll be getting more visits in a couple of weeks when Kelsey goes on leave, and I'm hoping I can handle it without getting burnt out. I jst want to get the kids camps paid for and the rest of Lucas' hockey equipment.

Audrey says she's not pressed if I cant;make her track meets, which is kind of nice since baseball is(of course) on Tuesday too. Baseball starting is going to keep us busy again, but at least my kids are staying out of trouble.

Ian is trying to get a new job. He wants to go back to delivering for Family Dollar. Possibly with USExpress. We're hoping and praying that the bridge incident doesn't hold him back. I know he's making phone calls today to a couple of the carriers besides the one he applied with. It would be nice to get some good news on that front this week.

2 down, 100 to go

I'm down 2 pounds. I should be down more, but, again I procrastinate, and have only worked out twice in the last two weeks. Today is the first day in the same period that I do not have any visits, and I don't have to be in the hospital for anything. I've already done twenty minutes on the elliptical. I'm getting ready to start working on getting things into the back of my new vehicle.

I love my new car, even though it wasn't one I was looking at. It actually is a better vehicle than I thought we could get. When the salesman brought it up for me to test drive, I almost cried. Now I know how the people on game shows feel when the host says "Johnny, tell them what they've won!" and the announcer says"A NEW CAR!"  Only I have to pay for the car on top of tax title an license.

I'm feeling better this morning, not so worn out, I know my life could be worse, and sometimes, I feel like I'm taking on too much, but when my check comes and I can make my care payment with one weeks work, I know its worth it and we're on the right path.

I'm procrastinating again. I need to work out, and I need to get more people under me as far as leadership with Avon is concerned. I'm letting my anxiety get the best of me. I'm so afraid of rejection and that I'm going to do things wrong that I have a habit of putting it of or not doing it.

I'm anxious for my tax return, as we will be getting another vehicle, and I can't wait.  I have one picked out, but my concern is that it won't be there when I get my money. I have a backup, but I would really, really, really like my first choice.

Last night, I told the BPO I would be their president next year. it wasn't an easy decision to make. But I want to be there for Audrey and help out where I can. That's why I decided to leave the hospital in the first place. Ian was upset, until I explained I why I needed to do this. He's still against it today, but at least he's more understanding.

Got a couple of extra visits this week, both during the day, while the kids are at school, and in town. Makes me happy that the RN thought to ask me to help out. Audrey is enjoying her time at the vet clinic. Tonight is ADM, tomorrow Audrey has jazz band, and this weekend, Audrey has 3 pep bands.

Things are moving along. It's getting easier being home. I like to think we're all finding our places more easily when when the weekends come along.

I think its time to stop procrastinating at least on the workout front.

Tired

Tonight I am exhausted. I don't really feel like I've done much, but I feel like I can barely keep my eyes open.

I went to two car dealers today to look at what I'm thinking of getting when I get my tax return back. (I filed today)  I really think I found what I want, but I'm afraid that my credit will prevent me from getting it. The last year has been really rough and we got behind on everything. I ended up defaulting on all my credit cards and there were health care bills that we couldn't pay. It's been really trying since Ian got laid off.  We're doing our best, and finally starting to get back on track, pulling out from behind some of these bills.

With Lucas' birthday on Saturday, he wanted something to take for his class, so we had to go get cupcakes. Then I realized the cat was almost out of dry food and completely out of wet. So back to the store. THEN Lucas tells me there are 24 students in his class plus the teacher. More cupcakes. THEN it's time to pick Audrey up from the vet. And finally home to make dinner, finish homework,  and get a call from my mom about him having trouble with his oxygen levels.

A quick Avon meeting and it's time for some hockey youtube, a shower and finally bed.

I think I need a longer day.