2 down, 100 to go

I'm down 2 pounds. I should be down more, but, again I procrastinate, and have only worked out twice in the last two weeks. Today is the first day in the same period that I do not have any visits, and I don't have to be in the hospital for anything. I've already done twenty minutes on the elliptical. I'm getting ready to start working on getting things into the back of my new vehicle.

I love my new car, even though it wasn't one I was looking at. It actually is a better vehicle than I thought we could get. When the salesman brought it up for me to test drive, I almost cried. Now I know how the people on game shows feel when the host says "Johnny, tell them what they've won!" and the announcer says"A NEW CAR!"  Only I have to pay for the car on top of tax title an license.

I'm feeling better this morning, not so worn out, I know my life could be worse, and sometimes, I feel like I'm taking on too much, but when my check comes and I can make my care payment with one weeks work, I know its worth it and we're on the right path.

I'm procrastinating again. I need to work out, and I need to get more people under me as far as leadership with Avon is concerned. I'm letting my anxiety get the best of me. I'm so afraid of rejection and that I'm going to do things wrong that I have a habit of putting it of or not doing it.

I'm anxious for my tax return, as we will be getting another vehicle, and I can't wait.  I have one picked out, but my concern is that it won't be there when I get my money. I have a backup, but I would really, really, really like my first choice.

Last night, I told the BPO I would be their president next year. it wasn't an easy decision to make. But I want to be there for Audrey and help out where I can. That's why I decided to leave the hospital in the first place. Ian was upset, until I explained I why I needed to do this. He's still against it today, but at least he's more understanding.

Got a couple of extra visits this week, both during the day, while the kids are at school, and in town. Makes me happy that the RN thought to ask me to help out. Audrey is enjoying her time at the vet clinic. Tonight is ADM, tomorrow Audrey has jazz band, and this weekend, Audrey has 3 pep bands.

Things are moving along. It's getting easier being home. I like to think we're all finding our places more easily when when the weekends come along.

I think its time to stop procrastinating at least on the workout front.

Tired

Tonight I am exhausted. I don't really feel like I've done much, but I feel like I can barely keep my eyes open.

I went to two car dealers today to look at what I'm thinking of getting when I get my tax return back. (I filed today)  I really think I found what I want, but I'm afraid that my credit will prevent me from getting it. The last year has been really rough and we got behind on everything. I ended up defaulting on all my credit cards and there were health care bills that we couldn't pay. It's been really trying since Ian got laid off.  We're doing our best, and finally starting to get back on track, pulling out from behind some of these bills.

With Lucas' birthday on Saturday, he wanted something to take for his class, so we had to go get cupcakes. Then I realized the cat was almost out of dry food and completely out of wet. So back to the store. THEN Lucas tells me there are 24 students in his class plus the teacher. More cupcakes. THEN it's time to pick Audrey up from the vet. And finally home to make dinner, finish homework,  and get a call from my mom about him having trouble with his oxygen levels.

A quick Avon meeting and it's time for some hockey youtube, a shower and finally bed.

I think I need a longer day.

Keeping it together

After a busy week, I'm glad to be back to some normalcy. Taking the kids to school, meetings at the office, running  to the library. I'm thinking this week I'm going to work on transforming part of the dining room into an office area for me for Avon.

I'm trying to get a handle on our insurance benefits. I'm working on our taxes.  I'm also trying to help Audrey look at colleges for her undergrad school.

My mother called and wanted me to go to the hospital today. Sometimes I think she forgot why I left the hospital in the first  place. I explained about all the kids do and all she said was oh, I'm sorry.

I feel a bit better now. I know I need to be here for my kids.

In it for all the marbles

Today I started recruiting again.  I went out with my upline and DSM recruiting. We hit up some places I've bee to, and quite a few that i haven't . We left a lot of books, an got a new person in my downline. Also, one of my old representatives has said she wants to come back UNDER ME!   I'm excited to be back in leadership again.  I'm pulling out my materials and getting myself set up for success this time. I want to go to Vegas for the national conference this summer. I want to grow and learn and maybe one day give up the 9-5. LOL.  I'm still getting on the elliptical for 15 every day. I don't feel like there's been much improvement in anything besides my appetite. I'm going to keep trying though. I need to lose the weight. Maybe I'll start mall walking a couple of times a week. I can meet new people and get exercise.

Steps

I am taking steps on my own  path now. I am leaving my job at the hospital. It weighs me down. I dread going in there and I am so indecisive when i get a text message on my phone asking for help, and I almost always look for excuses not to go in.

I am ready and willing to take my Avon business to the next level. Anew commitment to making a successful business for myself. I have talked to my DM, and next week she and I are going to work on building my business. I feel good about the decisions I have made today for myself.

Sometimes letting go can be hard, but when it's said and done, it's the best thing we can do for ourselves. I'll miss my rehab girls, but I need to do this for myself, and for my family. my kids are only going to be young once. I refuse to spend it being tired, at work or frustrated because of work.

Growing Up

When my son started playing hockey. I knew that it was not going to be easy. I saw the passion when he started bringing books home from the library. I knew that there was something there as I watched him walk effortlessly in the ice skates, even the first time. When he said he wanted to be a goalie is when the fear started to set in.

My son said he wanted to play the hardest  position on the ice. He wants people to hit pucks at his head. He wants to wear all that gear and be responsible for getting scored on.  He's done enough research, he knows what he's getting into. and after two weeks of dressing as goalie, he loves it more than ever.

Yesterday his coach stopped me as I went to gather his equipment and said, "He's a natural."
The moms were telling me how great he was doing, everyone was so proud of him. As I watched one child push him over, try to take over his net, and hit him with his stick, I worried for him. Every Time I saw a puck get past him, I worried for him.  I wanted to cheer for him every time he made a save, but I'm trying to practice "heads-up" hockey parenting, I don't want another parent to feel bad his kid doesn't make a goal.

I have been filled with emotion since practice ended yesterday.  For the second time in the last six months, I have heard that one of my children has made an amazing impact on a coach. What makes it harder for me, is that they both made the decisions on their own.

They're both growing up, becoming independent. I take it I must be doing a good job raising them to know themselves and listen to their subconscious as to what they want. To see my son, learning and studying the game of hockey, and watch my daughter hit a tennis ball as if it where a shuttlecock, I am awed at their skill. I am proud of their talent, and hard work to continue to stay on top of their respective games.

My turn to do my homework.